Fall Retreat 2008

One year ago at this time, at this moment
I was falling on my face
I was running from me
All you wanted was for me to listen
All you needed to do was love me
But why was I so afraid, so afraid to let go?
I was so afraid to let go of my own life, my own desires
All you want me to do is listen?
But I'm afraid of what you might say...
All you want to do is love me?
Is that the same love as my dad?
"No my son, this love will never hurt you, or abandon you."
I've heard that one before, what makes this different?
"This love will be around when you mess up, it will be everlasting. Son, I love you now, even though you don't know it!"

What? Is that possible?
"Feel that warmth from the sun?"
Yea, it is nice in this cold place
"That is me. That warmth is me hugging you. Whatever you have done in the past or will do in the future doesn't matter! All that matters is I love you. I want the best for you, most importantly, I will never leave you!"

How can you do this? How can you love someone like me?
"Because your my son and you mean so much to me! I have such great plans for you, and wonderful people to come into your life!"

God...what should I do? I've done so many wrong things, I've hurt so many people, and I'm scared!
"Adam...just listen and trust me. I'm everything you will ever need or want. I'm the breeze that hugs you, I'm the sun that warms you and the bread that feeds you. I loved you before you were formed...I sent my one and only son to die on a cross for you! I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH. I promise to never leave you my child, all you need to do is love me and trust me."

I'm so afraid....but I...I trust you and I...need....I need you!
"I know son...I know"

God's Window

People, hundreds of people everywhere.
Passing each other and barely
giving the other a glance. They
all walk as if they are the
only one around. Give it up to
the ones that take a chance
to give a smile or wave in
passing. Those are the ones that
try to make the day better for
others and themselves as well.
As I walk across campus, it seems
as if I'm the only one
because no one sees me.
But is that what I truely want?
No! Because when I walk across
this campus I want people to
see one thing! When they look
at me, into my eyes, I want them to be
a window. A window to my
heart, where God's love is
waiting to wash them clean.
Then as they walk across
campus, they would feel as I do.
Wanting others to see into the window
to God's Love.

Keepsake

Running through this wide open field
Sun smiling down on me to warm me up
All around is green and blue as far as the eye can see
How can I ask for anymore?
This is the best part of life
Out of the corner of my eye
The darkness catches my attention
But I'll keep on because I'll be fine
Then something more spectacular catches my eye
It's the most wonderful creation ever
I go up to it and instantly a trust and bond is formed
I take this new found keepsake with me
We grow closer and closer as the darkness circles around
We even go to the frontlines of fighting it
We conquer and because of it, we are inseperable
Then one day, my keepsake finds it's own desires
I pull it back to me...
Darkness is coming...
Please stay so we can continue as I want us to be
Seeing the hurt in its eyes, what can I do?
Running through the field, sun warming me, I realize what to do
"Please let it go, it's not happy"
"But, it's all I have"
"Do you not have me? I warm your heart and soul everyday!"
"I do have you, your all I need, but..."
"But...am I not enough?? I send the winds to hug you, the fields to play with you...what do you need? I have given you life!"
"I know...I'm sorry..help me to let go of this prized possession"
"I will son...trust me"

As I walk through the fields
I open my arms to let this go...
Watching the happiness embrace this keepsake, it makes me smile
"I'll cherish you forever"
At that moment, darkness fades and the sun begins to warm me as the wind wraps around me
Maybe someday we will be the same as old times....

What can I?

It's like having a bad day...Then when you least expect it, someone smiles at you and says, "Have a great day sir!" Then you realize I just need to believe to have a good day and the day will be provided. Then you stumble upon this shiny little thing that catches your eye. You pick it up and keep it in your hand holding on it, growing closer to it. Then after a while you examine it and see the cracks starting to form and things trying to get in and turn it to the bad. You are so hurt inisde, and feel so helpless to hold it together. What can you do? The day starts to turn dark again, as you just feel so helpless. Others see that it is fine the way it is or the way it is starting to form. But you are stil keeping the first memory of it as it was. Because you don't want to let it go bad.

But what can I do?

The Bookshelf of Life

One big wooden shelf
with 5 shelves and tons
of baggage. With so many
books crammed into one
place with different pages;
torn, tattered, and hanging
in by the glue to the binder.
All with a hard cover or a
cover that is all worn out.

Standing back and looking
at the shelves,trying to
decide which one to pick.
But, why decide? Each one
is different, unique, and full
of promise. Pull one off the
shelf and open it to reveal
all the glory of His power.
Without one of those books
on the shelf the collection
would be incomplete. You can
add to the collection but
Never Take Away...

Every Grain of Sand

*Sitting on the shore of Hampton Beach and watching the tide come in, reminds me of that God knows each grain of sand by name.

Thousands, millions, and infinite
amount of grains altogether for
a short amount of time
Lifeless, hopeless, dead.
Slowly working toward a momentary happiness.
Full of filth, trash, and even baggage.
Until something, someone, somewhere
finds us. Picks us up, carries us, and cleans us off.
Then, when it is time, we are
carried off unto a better place.
Where finally you are working toward a happiness that is made for eternity.

I believe this to be true of God and His love for US.

Hampton Beach Summer Project 2008

10 weeks ago, I came on an adventure to live and to follow God into the unknown! To a place, where it had everything I didn't want to be around. It consisted of oging to live in a house where I didn't know the majority of people or even want to be around them all that much! I was put into a position to get a job where I didn't know anyone or let alone understand their languages. Because of this, I have a new understanding and love for internationals! I knew coming here I would be pushed and be more tired than I've ever been before. No matter what I have been through I have had each one of these people, that I didn't want to be around, help lift me up and support me! I'm going to miss the random bursts of laughter that echo throughout the house! I'll miss the Duttonisms of course and I'll miss sitting in the lobby of the White Gull and watching every worker just go out and start their day and I pray for them to have a day to glorify the Lord and to show God's love. I'll miss seeing every person come in from work and asking how their day was and just welcoming them home. I'll miss all the events from the Weekly Meeting on Monday to the Community Events on Saturday nights. But what I'll miss the most is YOU! Yes, that's right, YOU! Each one of you have done something to just brighten up my life! I am so inspired and encouraged by you all! I kow how things in life come and go, with saying that, every person will be in my heart forever! Every moment has been the time of my life and I've done or seen things I could ONLY dream about. How will life ever be the same? It won't be! The front door of the White Gull will never swing open quite the same as it did the summer of 2008! No matter what happens to us, whether good or bad, no one can take our memories of this summer! I just want to say Thank you, because all of you guys have helped(along with God), save my life from death and darkness!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

***Guys, this summer was the most amazing time of my life! Being from the area I'm from, this doesn't happen to the strongest Christians(and they are few and far between!), and just getting to go places for anyone doesn't happen! God really did so much for me this summer, and I miss you all so much, more than words could ever describe! As we are about to start the fall semester, my prayer is that you guys keep the fire from project and take it and spread it on your campus! Look at all that God did in you, through you, and around you this past summer! My biggest prayer, is that ALL of you continue to follow God with all your heart, mind, and soul! I've been to the darkest corners and there is nothing there that is better than God. I love you guys, miss you all, and Bless Your Hearts!!

Just Some Things

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I feel so at peace and so thankful for being at the place in my life that I'm at right now. Coming here to Summer Project from the start has been a roller coaster! I think I first signed up to do it because others from Radford have been on one and I needed to follow in their footsteps. But as the process went on, it's evident(now) that God was at work through the whole process. From the minute I talked to Jesse and Drew about going on a project, to the application, to the support raising, it's been so amazing. Even though I was terrified, and Jeff Martin and the staff had concerns for me coming to Hampton Beach, it's a place I've been called to come. It's also evident that through the support that I was supposed to come here, and possibly bless others through the extra. Right before project, I just fell into worldly desires, temptations and just Satan's attacks. I was at the lowest point to where I wanted to die and just give up on God, and call and say I wasn't coming to project anymore. Yet, there was a fire burning inside of me to come and see what I had in store from God this summer. I came here with the expectations of becoming more bold and to step up into a leadeship position. Getting on the plane (which has been one of the scariest things I've ever done) the morning on June 2nd in Greensboro with Kayleigh, I was just in a daze. I couldn't believe what I was about to set out to do. I wanted to turn back, but I wanted to run toward Him with arms wide open and just jump. Landing in Manchester, New Hampshire, later that day it hit me, exactly what I was doing, and I wanted to cry. How was I supposed to do this for God, when I don't know who I am or even that much about God????? Arriving at the White Gull was just so overwhelming! People grabbing my luggage, and hugging me and welcoming me. It all happened so fast, I was almost motion sick by the end of it. I just sat in the corner waiting for my Radford buddies to get here. I didn't really want to meet anyone because why should I get to know people for 10 weeks and then possibly never see them again? But what I didn't realize, and I'm still realizing is that God has called me here, as well as them, to be a family and to work together for Him. Every person that was called here, definately was brought here for a reason. I came here WANTING all of these things for MYSELF....what I didn't realize is that God had other plans. I came here for more personal growth inside, and to work through some life threatening things. I have made some really great friends, and every person here is leaving a lasting impression on me! I KNOW I'm not the easiest person here on project to get a long with, but I'm learning and I fall down everyday. I had a rough first 3 or 4 weeks trying to stay distant, but some RU friends and some new friends have helped me out and I'm building such strong relationsships. Working at Dunkin Donuts with Internationals has not been easy, but I LOVE IT, I don't like the work, but I LOVE the people! Also, teaching the youth every Sunday and being sick, and just the busy schedule, is really not easy for me, but I wouldn't change one second of anything!You know all of the suffering I've felt llike I've been through this summer, or the bad times we've all went through together, it's all worth it and nothing compared to the suffering that Jesus Christ went through. Also, seeing a man come to Christ that is a Vietnam Veteran, and being there to encourage him, is so worth it. God works through us even in our lowest times, and that is just a true testiment of it. I'm so excited to see what God has in store the next 20 something days and I'm running toward Him with arms wide open and I'm ready to jump! I still can't believe I'm here doing this for Him and changing lives, and getting changed! God and the people here on Hampton Beach Summer Project have saved my life from death.