Journey

Wow...it's been a really long time! So much has happened, and I"ve grown so much in my relationship with the Lord. If anyone is still out there and following my blog. Just know that my life is truely been through the ringer of emotions and plans! The following poem should show some of that emotion or where my head is right now.



I sit and watch it snow, thinking about how each flake is like a thought, a dream, a passion that I've had. I watch it hit the ground, and I watch it melt away. This world feels so empty, so cold, and the time seems so short.

I have to have a plan, I have to make this path visible, I have to grasp hold of what is going on. I have to keep up with the people my age. I have to keep up....I just can't seem to keep my footing. I'm so scared, so lost.

In the past I've tried to let others in, to only mess it up with my own issues, my own insecurities. My heart cries out for help. I mess so many things up, I mess up so many relationships. I feel dirty, disgusting, lost, helpless, broken, and afraid. I cry out to my Heavenly Father, waiting for Him to grasp hold of me.

How can I truely keep living like this? When am I going to be at the same level as my friends, my brothers? Why am I looked down upon, to the ones I look up to so much? Why do I have to screw up so much?

Where has my life gone? When it's all over...what will I have actually accomplished?

This path is so lonely, so broken, so hard to trust that I have any footing or the trust that someone will be there to help me back up again.


Please listen to this song and just hold onto these words.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9WXUlERHKc