Journey

Wow...it's been a really long time! So much has happened, and I"ve grown so much in my relationship with the Lord. If anyone is still out there and following my blog. Just know that my life is truely been through the ringer of emotions and plans! The following poem should show some of that emotion or where my head is right now.



I sit and watch it snow, thinking about how each flake is like a thought, a dream, a passion that I've had. I watch it hit the ground, and I watch it melt away. This world feels so empty, so cold, and the time seems so short.

I have to have a plan, I have to make this path visible, I have to grasp hold of what is going on. I have to keep up with the people my age. I have to keep up....I just can't seem to keep my footing. I'm so scared, so lost.

In the past I've tried to let others in, to only mess it up with my own issues, my own insecurities. My heart cries out for help. I mess so many things up, I mess up so many relationships. I feel dirty, disgusting, lost, helpless, broken, and afraid. I cry out to my Heavenly Father, waiting for Him to grasp hold of me.

How can I truely keep living like this? When am I going to be at the same level as my friends, my brothers? Why am I looked down upon, to the ones I look up to so much? Why do I have to screw up so much?

Where has my life gone? When it's all over...what will I have actually accomplished?

This path is so lonely, so broken, so hard to trust that I have any footing or the trust that someone will be there to help me back up again.


Please listen to this song and just hold onto these words.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9WXUlERHKc

Crazy Love

So I just read the first chapter in this book, called Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. I really recommend everyone go and read this book. Because, from just what I read, it really made me think and sit in awe of God! They also have a website called www.crazylovebook.com, visit it, it's great!

But, do you realize exactly how much God created? Just how small we are and how we only go to him with our "wants" or "requests"? On the website, you can actually watch a small clip about this. After watching the clip, I just sat in awe. God created every little thing from the small little particles of dust and smaller to the entire galax and all the trillions of galaxies there are. Can you even fathom that? I know I can't fully. How can our God, the God of the universe create all of that and take care of us all? He truly is the all knowing Father who was and is and is to come.

Man...I really recommend you read this book, I only read the first chapter and am just in awe of what God can do!